yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
