1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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