i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
