my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize