"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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