This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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