Define "chronic" masturbator.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
