So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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