i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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