I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
