i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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