No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Buhtt sex?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
