how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
