last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
