i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
