i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
