It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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