There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
