i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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