Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
