So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
