you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
