Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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