she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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