Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
