I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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