...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
