can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
