Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
