The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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