Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
