i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
