just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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