is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
