i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
