i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
