I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
