I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
