This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
