Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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