I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize