So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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