this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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