ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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