God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Quick, to the slutcave!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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