yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
