I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize