i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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