please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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