I wish I only lived at night.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
