wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
