im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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