Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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