I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
