Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
BRING THE BAGELS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
