Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
