It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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