Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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