so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
