Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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