I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
