I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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