I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
