If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
