Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
