I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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