Betty ford says i'm here all night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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