I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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