If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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