dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ttyl tear gas
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
